Marie here with an important PSA.

This morning we learned 7 essential steps for a disastrous time at the RV dump station.

Warning: this post is not for the faint of heart, BUT there are no photos. Don't worry, I'm not that mean.

Step 1: Only watch one video

You know, it's no biggie. Dealing with dump stations is just dealing with human waste that has been building up for days. You shouldn't worry about little things like adequately preparing for the steps you'll have to take to get rid of it.

So just click on the first video that comes up in a YouTube search, even if it's for a completely different kind of RV. Don't bother to see if your rig has any tools like a black water flush kit to make the process simpler. Or if anyone has additional techniques for keeping the gross factor in check.

Step 2: Use old equipment

It's a great idea for your disastrous holding tank purge to use old sewer hoses. It's even better if they are borrowed from a repair shop or friendly neighbors.

But the absolute best is using hoses that have hidden holes. These will leave an awesome surprise for you when it's time to dump your tanks!

Step 3: Keep it secret, keep it safe

Who wants to see brown sludge whizzing by, right? They make clear hose connectors, but those are GROSS. Ignore them, and instead just use an opaque tube. It'll preserve your precious eyeballs and sensibilities.

Step 4: One glove per person

If you have two people but only one pair of gloves, don't worry about getting a second pair.

Especially if the old hoses you're borrowing are crusty. They're super easy to disconnect, especially for people like me who have toothpick arms. You won't need help. Naaaah.

Step 5: Gravity schmavity

Gravity is pretty much super-powered. It will magically suck all of the water out of your tanks and straight into the dump station as soon as you open the valves.

When you hear that final gurgle, there'll be nothing left.

Yeah, definitely not a giant clog right at the connection point between the RV and the hose.

Step 6: Gravity schmavity again

You shouldn't worry about having, like, a bucket or something to catch the remnants of whatever's in the RV. I mean, we love those opaque sewer hoses, and because you can't see the poo — well that basically means it's not there, right?

So when you disconnect the hose from the RV, gravity will cease to be super-powered. In fact, it'll pretty much disappear completely. That clog at the connection point? It's totally not going to burst out and spray paint the ground.

Step 7: This is no time to be gentle

Well, we can bust out the hazmat suits to deal with that later. Now it's time to finish letting gravity clean out your hose for you.

It's a great idea to lift up the mid-section of the borrowed, crusty hose to start bringing it towards the dump station. Because sometimes, if you're really lucky, it'll be just bursting with excitement to help you get rid of your poo.

And by that, I mean it might break right in half, exposing its contents to your precious sensibilities.

In all seriousness...

This has been an eventful and fun week for Josh and me. We've spent time with family from near and afar, and we've eaten ourselves silly.

We officially moved into our RV on Monday, and ever since, we've been learning so much. We love our new robotic home! More news soon.

I hope this has been educational! Just be glad it's not an illustrated guide. Have you had any black water horror stories? Lay 'em on us!

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